Friday, May 1, 2009
Four years ago today, I lost my mom. And I lost my best friend.
Many things have changed in the four years she has been gone. Changes I couldn't fathom at the time. Back then, I had to take things minute by minute because I didn't know how I was going to make it without her. In my darkest hours I would remember how she would say that she didn't want us to be sad, that it would make her sad to see us unhappy. She wanted us to smile, laugh and be happy and remember all the good things about her. I think that is what makes it so hard to be without her.
So now, I do smile when I think of her and I laugh when I tell stories about her. It makes me happy to think of all the ways I am just like her. Like when I say things that she would say, or I mix up a popular quote. For instance, instead of saying "someone left the barn door open" I have been known to say "someone let the horses out of the barn". Or, just the other day, Doug laughed at me when I said "he is seeing the handwriting on the wall." My mom was always mixing things up and how we would laugh with her!
I'm trying to be more like her by being more spontaneous and not letting things get to me. She would just roll with things. If an opportunity arose, she would jump on it. It didn't matter if she had limited funds, she didn't let that stop her. She lived her life, even though it turned out to be way too short.
Today, I think she is smiling down from heaven. There have been dramatic changes in my life in the past four years. Today: a new chapter. Doug and I are picking up my ring. I'm so excited! I know my mom is looking down from heaven and smiling. I can hear her saying, "See! You never know what is going to happen! God never closes a door without opening a window." I know she is excited for me ~ I am excited for me. So, I'd better get going. The sooner I get ready, the sooner I get my ring! :)